A merchant captain and his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain vomitted all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him, he shouted, “Give that man five days in the brig for vomitting.”

The following morning, the captain was checking the log and saw the seaman had been sentenced to 10 days and asked the chief mate why.

“Well, sir, when you got undressed we found that he’d also shit in your pants.”