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Uncategorized Text Messages

A collection of Uncategorized text messages and SMS quotes

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Text Message 9683: Pleasure is a mental state

A professor was is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. he says, “a man who develop a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having coitus.” a student stands up and says, “prof, either you […]
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Text Message 9682: Deleted

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Text Message 9681: Deleted

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Text Message 9680: Do you smoke when you finish?

Two prostitutes are talking and one says, “do you smoke when you finish?” and the other goes, “i never checked.” 😛
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Text Message 9679: My husband has never really loved me

“i have nine children and i’ve found out my husband has never really loved me,” said the distraut woman to her lawyer. “there, there, my dear,” the lawyer said. “just imagine the fix you would be in today if he had.”
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Text Message 9678: Just throwing peanuts in the pond

3 men stood before the judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. judge: what were you doing? man1: oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond. judge: and what were you doing? man2: i was throwing peanuts in the pond too. judge: sounds harmless. and you, were you throwing peanuts […]
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Text Message 9677: The girl put $100,000 of Monopoly money

A woman and her 4-year old daughter were in church. when the collection plate was passed around, the girl put $100,000 of monopoly money in. the mother saw it and secretly tried to slip it out of the plate but her girl saw it screamed out, “mommy, don’t you take god’s money!”
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Text Message 9676: Computer interviewing patients

A teaching hospital installed a new computer to interview patients visiting its gynecology department. apparently the programmers were familiar with women’s health. one question asked was, “are you having monthly period now?” if the answer was “yes” the computer would send the woman away and reschedule the appointment… for four weeks later.:-d
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Text Message 9675: It’s difficult to walk backwards

It’s difficult to walk backwards because our feet are meant to make us move forward. life is always better if we look forward to what’s ahead than look at what’s left behind. let’s move on and forget the past… the bitterness grudges hatred & pain… forgive love and smile…
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Text Message 9674: Worrying is a total waste of time

“worrying is a total waste of time. it doesn’t change anything. all it does is mess up your mind and steal your happiness.”
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Text Message 9673: Love is built on two pillars

Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. those pillars are patience and kindness. all other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. excerpt from the love dare 🙂 god bless your day!
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Text Message 9672: Equal to 111

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates: 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11. now take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it will be equal to 111. go ahead do the math!.
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Text Message 9671: Your monkey’s on fire!

A little old man is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie. a drunk comes along and says, “hey, man… the music stopped, and your monkey’s on fire!”:-)
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Text Message 9670: Panatang maka-alak

Panatang maka-alak iniibig ko ang alak. ito ang inumin ng aking buhay. ito ang nagwawala ng aking lumbay. ak0’y kanyang nilalasing ngunit tinutulungan upang maging malakas, maangas at mataas ang karakas. bilang ganti diringgin q lagi ang anyaya pra mag inuman. susundin ko at pupuntahan kung saan ang tagpuan. pananatilihin kung maging isang tunay na […]
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Text Message 9669: Second fiddle

Husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him. he shouts, “i will play no second fiddle to no one!” she replies, “second fiddle? you’re lucky you’re still in the band!”

A collection of Uncategorized text messages and SMS quotes